Hello there. This is your butt. We don’t talk very much anymore.
I know it’s because you’ve got a busy life, whether it’s your boss making demands on your time or the persistent call of Netflix that insists you watch one more episode … for 15 straight episodes.
I’ve done my best to support you. I’ve kept you upright during seemingly endless conference calls, road trips, and TV binges. I’ve never complained…even through all the lower back pain from sitting.
However, the time has come for me to speak up. I wouldn’t normally do this unless it was absolutely necessary.
It’s bad enough that you try and squeeze me into pants you have no business trying to fit into, but something needs to change about how you … excuse me … WE sit.
Your office chair?
It pinches and suffocates me to the point where I can hardly breathe. I have no choice but to sweat to stay cool, and we both know how awful it is when I sweat.
Your car seat?
That thing gives me the same support that a house of cards gives to a bowling ball. Ever wonder why you get back pain from sitting in a car too long? It’s just not comfy enough for me to do my job.
Sure, you’ve tried to adjust the way we sit. Leaning back on my tailbone works for a while, but pretty soon it makes me fall asleep … and not in a good way. Leaning forward too much just puts more pressure on your back. No matter how you sit on that uncomfortable surface, it stinks.
You thought those other seat cushions might help, but can you really call that doughnut-shaped thing a cushion? It looks like a pool toy.
Then you tried foam. You think you had sweating problems with your office chair? That thing was like sitting on a heating pad … in the middle of the Amazon rainforest!
Like I said, I know you’re busy, but to help us out, I’ve taken the liberty of doing a little research.
The makers of the revolutionary Purple® Bed have applied their 26 years of experience in sleep and comfort technology to the development of the Purple® Seat Cushion.
The Purple® Seat Cushion is strong enough to support all of the weight we need to carry, yet it’s soft enough to keep an egg from breaking. Need proof?
Amazing right? But its egg-hugging abilities are not the only reason why butts everywhere are chanting, “We want Purple® Seat Cushions!” Here are three more reasons why Purple is the solution to all our derriere dilemmas.
1. Pressure-Releasing Support
The Purple® material is made with a pressure-releasing hyper-elastic polymer material. It’s organized into a smart-comfort grid formation, in which the cell walls will stand firm or release, depending on how our weight is distributed. This means that Purple® is soft where we want it, and firm where we need it to be.
2. Temperature Neutrality
That Hyper-Elastic Polymer™ material isn’t foam. In fact, it’s nothing like it. What’s so good about this? It means that our new Purple® Seat Cushion doesn’t absorb heat. It’s not too hot, but not too cold. To quote a famous fairy tale character, “It’s just right.”
3. Free-Air Flow
Remember that smart-grid design I mentioned? Well, because of that grid system, the Purple™ Seat Cushion allows air to flow freely, preventing moisture-trapping and extending the life of the cushion. That also means I have a cleaner, more comfortable place to rest while you go about the rest of your work day.
Seat Cushions for Every Butt!
Want to know another great thing about the Purple® Seat Cushion? They have all different kinds! Purple knows that for as many different kinds of butts that exist, there are just as many different ways to sit on those butts. And they’ve created a variety of seat cushions that fit every type.
I want us to work through the recent issues we’ve had. I want us to be a team again. I promise, once you’ve given the Purple® Seat Cushion a try, not only will I feel better, but your legs, back and hips will start to feel better too.
All I want to do is make you happy again. The choice is up to you.
Just remember all the good times we had together. We can get those good times back! No matter what, I’ll always be by your side … well … technically behind you. But there’s no reason why we can’t make life a little easier for the both of us, right?